Today I tell you that without a doubt what we go through and the people we meet along our way are not random, they have a lesson and a why; and it is only our task how we resolve and assimilate it. To everyone who helped me to be here today, thank you!
And I tell you that after searching and trying I ended up with a great immunologist (very tired from the journey, but still hopeful) the first thing he suggested was a study that ruled out that I had ASMA (which made me lose a great weight above) later he did allergy tests and prepared a vaccine especially for me, which was a: "It is the magic pill that I have been waiting for so many years, finally." Without a doubt I improved, the phlegm that had tormented me for so many years decreased considerably, I can live a little longer with what causes me an allergy. Yeah!
After a while ANXIETY returned with everything and a bow ... And then? And the medicine that I take every day? What the hell is happening to me? Why am I so afraid? Why is it hard for me to breathe? Why can't I eat? Among other 7 thousand unanswered questions.
After two years in treatment I start to generate phlegm again and I start to feel stagnant and frustrated which makes me consider that the vaccine is no longer working and that makes me call the immunologist to tell him that his vaccine is no longer useful. And he stops me in my tracks and says: "You need to calm down, because your mind is playing you badly and the anxiety you are going through is being caused by you." Wait what ?. What?!
That leads me to seek therapy again, I am with my psychologist for about 3 months, I tell her about my crises and an existential summary of my life (because it was a new therapist) and she tells me after having treated me for this time: “Well then. you are discharged, what follows is for you to realize that you do not need me and that you can do it alone”. Why?? NO. wait for me a little while, if I need you, you are not seeing that without you I'll have a very bad time, do not leave me.
And this is how today I am talking with you about something that can be a similar story in your life and to end it we have a pandemic, the job is uncertain, my husband is unemployed, plus the other 19,000 unfinished things that we dragged for years.
All this makes me decide not to rest until I find that peace and balance that I need so much, today know that we are in this together and that I will look for an alternative to every situation that arises, it is super valuable to know that we are not the only ones who go through it; and yes, my therapist follows and I adore her (she is there for any crisis) but the job of finding and healing me is totally mine.
We must learn to take control of our life.
Photo by Callum Skelton on Unsplash